I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
