in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
