It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
