I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
