His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
