Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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