Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
