Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
