I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
