remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
