Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
