I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
