I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
