I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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