I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
