Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
