Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
