Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
