so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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