He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
