he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
