We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
