I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
