problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just found a bag of teeth...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
