im drinking this country out of the recession.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
