Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
