he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
