nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
