Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
