I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
