I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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