It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
