Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
