Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
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