Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
