Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
