I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
