You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
