I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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