i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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