I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
