I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
