my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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