and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
