Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
