So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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