the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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