Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
