So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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