i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
