Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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