Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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