you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
