i think my tv is drunk
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
