Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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