jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
