hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize