I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
