Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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