The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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