it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
