Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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