I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
