Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
