You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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