...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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